Glitch
by Chaotica
Summary: What happened to get Gir's parts into that trashcan?
1. Part 1

A/N: Weee! It's a Gir fic! Hoorah! And it's not horrendously stupid with re-hashed Gir-quotes like with most Gir fics. Just a little thing about our favorite 'bots origin that popped into my head some time back.  
Disclaimer: WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MEEEE?  
  
Glitch  
  
The room was alive with electricity even in the dead of night. So many things in the Irken world depended on technology that if everything failed the whole race would basically fade away in history. Possibly going down as the most ambitious if not most totally screwed around race to ever make it to sentiency. And even that is debatable.  
But the Irken race isn't what this is about.  
The little robot that sat in the corner had his head bent forward and eyes dead as the darkness as he was recharged. He has a name and lots of people know it. From the ravers at the club to the kids who give him special brownies down by the Hi-Skool during lunch. They all know him but some how didn't recognize what he was. He's a G.I.R, and even he doesn't know what the 'G' stands for.  
Inside this little bot wires are crossed and chips are burnt out, or were replaced by coins and pieces of gum. But that's not the main reason this little metallic creature is the way he is.  
First you have to know how he acts now to understand.  
He's crazy. Flat-out-run-for-your-mommy-don't-let-him-get-near-the-matches crazy. His current owner knows his mechanical companion isn't right. But he trusts his leaders, and they say he's advanced. Irkens, go figure.  
Gir, as his name is more commonly spelled, isn't just crazy he's also innocent. You can't tell now but he didn't used to be so innocent. His original prototype was a, well, maybe we should start somewhere else for this.  
How about back when he first came online? Back when Gir was a G.A.R., a Ground Assault Robot. First and ultimately only of his kind.  
***  
Red eyes came open as the first electrical charge was initiated. Immediately the little form vaulted up off the table standing at attention eyes glowering forward. "G.A.R reporting for duty, Sir!"  
The Irken that had started up the small bot nodded and made a few marks on his clip board. "State serial number." He said off hand.  
The small robot rattled off a number then stopped all motion. Something in its neck sparked wildly and its head fell forward limply.  
The Irken frowned at this twitching his antenna in agitation. He opened a few panels and looked around. "What in the name of the sixth moon is wrong this time?" He asked no one in particular.  
Suddenly the G.A.Rs' head shot up eyes glowing a peculiar dark blue color. It looked around hastily as if confused before its eyes settled to a normal red. The Irken Technician never noticed. He was too busy nursing a finger that had gotten cut on a sharp edge when the small robot had jerked upright.  
"Ooo, that hurts." He sucked on his wound and blinked at the robot. "You look fine now, I suppose." He made a few notes on the clipboard then addressed the G.A.R.  
"Report to level Seventy for testing."  
"Yes Sir!" The robot saluted sharply and jumped off the table.  
It rattled its way down the hall to Testing. Once it arrived no one seemed to notice. The small robot looked for someone of rank to address but found no one.  
A sensation that this was just utterly stupid flickered across its circuits. Irritation was something the G.A.R. unit had never experienced.  
Red eyes faded to a dark blue. The robot approached a short Irken and pulled on the creatures tunic.   
Faded purple eyes looked down curiously. "Yes?"  
The G.A.R. was suddenly at a loss. What was it there for again? "I, am, reporting, for." It's sentence trailed off. "I forgot."  
The Irken blinked. "You forgot?"  
Within the G.A.R.s' sight a whirl of information swept past. Specs on the Irken in front of it, vulnerable spots, pressure points, body temperature, height, weight, stupidity.  
"G.A.R reporting for initial testing!" He suddenly yelled saluting smartly.  
"Oh, right. Go down the hall on the left." She waved her hand in the general direction he was supposed to go.  
He rattled down the hall not getting much notice. He eventually stopped walking, his red eyes switching to that deep blue. He scowled around at the milling Irkens.  
Stupid, hideous, inefficient creatures. They deserved destruction for those three reasons alone. Something inside clicked on, the expandable weaponry prepared to spring open and deliver laser death to those around him when an Irken hand knocked on his head.  
His eyes lost their blue and went to red.  
"You the Gar-thing?" The purple-eyed male before him asked. He was fairly short maybe a head above the G.A.R.  
"Yes sir." G.A.R. saluted.  
"Call me Ral." The Irken said. "You're an A.I. right? You'll be developing a personality soon I suspect so the quicker you get casual the better."  
"Yes, Ral."  
"Okay then, follow me, we have things to do inanimate objects to blow up." Tal lead the little destroyer robot through a door. He didn't notice the brief flash of royal blue in the G.A.R. units eyes. 


	2. Part 2

Glitch  
  
"Okay Gar, shoot at anything that is labeled as a target, use whatever weaponry you deem necessary." Ral said pulling gently on the open front of his white lab coat. Underneath was your average Irken civilian uniform but that's just character build up for you.  
"Yes Ral."  
"Just say 'Okay'."  
"Okay."  
Ral flipped a switch and the room the G.A.R. had been placed in was flooded with hellion images of any enemy the programmers could think of.  
The test went well. The little robot totally decimated everything in the room just like he was designed to.  
"Alright then Gar, you come with me."  
The G.A.R. blinked, in that moment his red eyes turned their deep blue. "Ral?"  
"Huh?" Ral turned, he had thought the robot was following him. "What?"  
"What am I for?"  
'Such a question.' Ral thought. 'The A.I. must be developing faster than I thought.'  
"You're supposed to destroy things that we tell you to destroy." Ral explained. "Now come on, we have things to do."  
"What if I don't want to?"  
Ral stopped again. He felt a slight edge of fear starting to form. "What do you mean?"  
"What if I don't want to destroy things I am told to? What if I want to destroy other things?"  
"Gar, what are you talking about?."  
Gar tilted his head. "I don't think these tests have done anything but proved my power." He narrowed his royal eyes on Ral. "I think I shall have to." But something sparked.  
Ral barely saw it but for a split second those deep blue eyes paled to almost sky before the G.A.R.s eyes went red. "Uh, Gar?"  
The red eyes remained stead. "Yes Sir?"  
"How do you feel?"  
There was a pause. "My diagnostic read maximum efficiency sir."  
"Didn't I tell you to call me Ral?" Ral asked swallowing hard.  
"No sir, would you like me to?"  
"No, that's okay." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Gar switch to sleep mode."  
The robots eyes dimmed and it slumped forward.  
Ral picked it up. Something was obviously wrong with it. Maybe a little searching would yield the answer.  
***  
"What do you mean it started acting weird?" A green-eyed Irken asked Ral as they inspected the G.A.R.  
"I mean he acted weird. He started saying things about superiority and destruction. I think he's crazy."  
"Robots can't be crazy, they're programmed certain ways." The other Irken said.  
"Well look at this then Tef." Ral pulled over the robots head. "See those two blue chips?"  
"Yeah." Tef said nodding.  
"Those are the A.I. chips. They had to use two to house all the information they wanted in there. When they are in accord the G.A.R. is as they programmed."  
"Well that's a given."  
"What happens when one turns off?" Ral asked.  
Tef thought a moment. "You get half of the instructions. A different." He paused again. "A different personality."  
"Totally different."  
"Okay so it's a glitch, it can be fixed."  
"Yeah, but what about the other chip. We already know one of them is unstable."  
"What? You want to meet the other personality too? You already said the first was one is unstable. Are you really that stupid or are you just acting that way to get me killed?"  
Ral stood up from his hunched position over the parts. "I'm just curious."  
"Curiosity has killed many an Irken in the testing wing."  
Ral shrugged. "I still want to know."  
"Okay fine. Which chip is it?"  
"Well." Ral pulled up the internal diagnostic report. "According to this the chip on the right of the front casing has been getting the most activity recently. So activate the one on the left."  
Tef reached in and adjusted a few wires then turned the G.A.R on.  
The little bot sat up with its eyes glowing a pale cyan. There was a brief moment where it looked between the two of them then waved spastically. "HI!" 


	3. Part 3

"GET IT OFF!"  
The little robot squealed in delight as Tef scrambled around the room with him attached to the Irkens' head. Ral panicked thinking the robot was trying to kill him.  
"Hang on Tef!" He said picking up a wielding bar.  
"Nachos!" The robot cried out letting go and falling to the floor as Ral swung.  
"OW!" Tef fell to the ground and held his head. "That hurt!"  
"Sorry Tef."  
Their attention was drawn to the robot who was giggling uncontrollably on the floor beside them. The suddenly stopped and stared in awe at Ral. "You smell like nail polish!"  
Ral stopped for a moment. "Wait, I smell like what?" But then the tiny robot had latched onto him and squeezed *really* hard. "My organs! Stop!" He started panting. "Can't..breath."  
Tef pulled a headset off the workbench and put it on in the confusion. He titled the microphone to his mouth. "Halt." He barked.  
The small robots eyes flared red then paled to light blue. He then stopped everything and sat on the floor while Ral winced and held his sides.  
"Ral, if you ever feel curious ever again I'm going to kill you." Tef hissed once the microphone was tilted back up.  
"How, was I, supposed to know, ow, he was, a spaz, oh that hurts." Ral wheezed rubbing his sides some more.  
Tef only huffed then tilted the microphone down. "State your name."  
The robot snapped to attention eyes going red a moment. "G.I.R.!" His eyes lightened immediately.  
"G.I.R.? What does the 'I' stand for?" Tef asked.  
Gir shrugged. He then toddled over to Ral and hugged him. "You're squishy."  
"Well, at least we know he isn't going to kill us." Tef sighed.  
"Says you." Ral shot at him.  
"This was your idea."  
"Yeah, yeah." Ral said dully. "Okay Gir. Can you tell me anything about 'Gar'?"  
Gir looked up at him with wide empty eyes. "Gar is baaad." He said twisting his voice up a few pitches.  
"How bad?"  
"Reeeeeeally Baaaad." Gir said in a half whisper. He motioned for Ral to bend down closer since he *was* taller than the little bot.  
Ral bent down and turned an antenna to Gir. His eyes opened wide when the robot grabbed his antenna and screamed 'NACHOS!' at him.  
He reeled back barely aware that Gir was giggling madly at him.  
"Alright, I think we've had enough of this." Tef said, though it was amusing to see Ral get beat around by a tweaking robot. He reached over and flipped the power switch still attached to the robot.  
The cyan died black a moment then snapped open in royal blue. Gars' eyes zeroed in on Ral and immediately held up one hand letting a laser pop out. "Immediate threat. Destroy." He said.  
"Tef! Wrong button!"  
Tefs' eyes widened and he flipped the first switch and flicked off another.  
The light in the laser died along with the blue. But a red glow remained.  
The two Irkens stood by a moment as the G.A.R. unit looked around, then at them. Then opened it's mouth and screamed bloody murder.  
***  
Tefs' left eye twitched as he and Ral sat at the workbench. The G.A.R. or more specifically the S.I.R. sat on the table looking back at them with red eyes.  
Ral suddenly put his face in his hands. "I can't believe the S.I.R. protocol chips and the G.A.R. chips got mixed up like this. G.A.R. and S.I.R chips put together like this was bound to cause problems." He shook his head. "It's a disaster."  
"Bots with Multiple Personality Disorder." Tef sighed. "You are so fired."  
"You're not helping!" Ral yelled.  
"Excuse me." 'Sir' said interrupting them. "Neither of you seem to be helping much."  
"Says the robot with two crazy personalities." Tef muttered.  
Red eyes narrowed on him but then turned away.  
"What I want to know." Ral said pointing at Sir. "Is why you responded to 'Gar' and did everything a G.A.R. can do."  
"I am in a fully equipped Ground Assault Robot body. I have the information for both the G.A.R and the S.I.R." The robot said sharply.  
"Then how come Gir's name isn't Sir? And how come he turns red when he's obedient but it's not you?" Tef asked.  
Sir looked at him again and leaned forward. "You don't want to know why that one does anything."  
Tef leaned away from him. "Oh."  
"If I might ask." Sir said turning to Ral. "What is my mission?"  
"You don't have one yet." Ral explained. "You're body is supposed to be a prototype."  
Sir paused. "No mission?"  
"Nope." Ral said. He looked at Sir warily. "Is that a problem?"  
Sirs' left eye twitched slightly. "No."  
"Good." Ral got up. "It's late, we're going to bed. You can power down for the night Sir, there's a recharge station in the corner."  
The S.I.R. saluted. "Understood." He watched the Irkens leave and turned to the recharge station. His eyes narrowed at it. "Stupid." He muttered. 


	4. Part 4

Glitch  
  
The workshop door opened with a hiss. "Sir?" Ral asked. Tef was behind him with what looked like scrapped pieces of battle armor and what might have been a tennis racket had they been on Earth.  
Red eyes opened in the back of the dark room. "Yes?" The strangely monotone voice of Sir asked.  
Ral relaxed a little and turned on the light. Only to be hit with the urge to run away screaming. "What is this?" He demanded.  
The little robot was wired up to just about everything in the room.  
"Information Retrieval." Sir said glowering at him. "So much of your race is pitiful. How do you survive?"  
"And we thought this was the sane one." Tef whispered.  
Ral made a motion for him to shut up. "Er, uh, Sir, you don't have to do anything like that right now. Why don't you disengage and we'll, er, give you a new casing, a new *shiny* one. Would you like that?"  
The red eyes became crimson slits. "You are all so stupid. Even your design for this body is flawed. I've had to make." He paused his voice dropping a few octaves. "Modifications."  
"Ral I'm serious, the next time you're curious I'm killing you." Tef hissed as the two backed up a few steps.  
Ral elbowed him. "Sir, really, come on now. Don't play games."  
"Games? If you want games I should relinquish control to Gir. He likes games. Or were you talking about War games? Gar is more suited for that." His eyes flickered royal blue before going a steady red.  
"That's not necessary." Ral said hastily.  
The red eyes flickered dark blue again. "Hey, stop that." Sir growled.  
"Stop what?" Ral asked.  
The robots eyes went deep blue for longer than a second only to snap through light blue to red. "Both of you stop it!"  
"He's freaking out." Tef hissed.  
"No kidding."  
Cyan eyes flickered between it and dark blue. "WEEEEEEEEoooOOO!" The robot then spun around flickering between the three colors.  
"Hey Ral."  
"Yeah?"  
"I think we should run."  
"I think you're right."  
The two Irkens turned tail and ran like a Slaughtering Rat Person was after them. And yes, they were screaming like mad creatures the whole time.  
Part of a wall in front of them crashed in and the G.A.R. robot with deep blue eyes blocked their path. "You can't escape, you're race is more than doomed!" His eyes flickered red. "We know everything we have to know to destroy you and the rest of your hideously stupid race."  
Ral and Tef backed up. Other Irkens came out into the hall inspecting the loud crashing.  
The small robot twitched violently as its eyes flickered between red and dark blue. Suddenly they became a steady cyan.  
"What's going on?" A random Irken asked.  
"Technical difficulties." Ral yelled back tackling the robot. "Come on you."  
"Ehehee, nail polish." The robot giggled. Then cackled like mad and screamed insanely as it was carried back to the workshop.  
He was sat roughly on a table.  
"Do I get cookies?" Gir asked childishly.  
"No, you don't."  
"Awwww..." The little robot looked sad.  
"Now what?" Ral asked closing Gir's head for Tef. "This thing is crazier than a shortest on Tekok."  
"We should dismantle him. Get rid of the problem for good."  
Neither Irken noticed Girs' eyes get wide.  
"I dunno. It could be a scientific break through. Maybe."  
Gir started to scoot backwards on the workbench.  
"But it's insane. All three of these personalities are crazy. This one's just plain loopy and others are psycho."  
There was a bang as Gir fell of the table. When Tef leaned over to look Gir screamed scrambled away. "NO! Don't turn me off!" He crashed through a wall. If one looked closely the light blue turned dark a moment. But you'd have to be pretty quick to notice it.  
Ral clutched his head and moaned despairingly. "I am so fired..." 


End file.
